The great outdoors and my perfect reason

I love the outdoors and we are lucky enough to live in such a beautiful country some say the most beautiful on earth. I know it is such a cliche to say that when you are overweight you feel like life is passing you by or you are just simply existing and not living, but I feel alot of the times it is very true. I am 36 years old and whilst I am like most women and have never really been that happy with my figure, I did appreciate that I was always quite slim and lucky for it. When I turned 30 it all changed and I got quite chubby so started at a gym and managed to keep it under control until I fell pregnant. The body nor self esteem never really returned after that. so I have spent 6 long years loathing the way I look!!!!!

I remember saying to a friend ages ago that I was unhappy and she simply said 'why dont you just do something about it?' I replied back to her 'that it is just easier not to as getting is shape is bloody hard work' so she just said 'well it depends on how badly you want it or what your motivation is'

My motivation is the above sweet treasure who is about to turn 4. I was looking through some old photos the other day and I felt like crying as I hardly have any of me holding or cuddling her as they are all with her dad. I felt sick that when she grows up she will not have nay to look at because her mum was too worried at how fat she would look in them.

I want to be a good role model for her and live by example. I dont want her earliest memories of me to be of some fatty who always wears black clothes and looks sad. she caught me crying the other day and she said ' I will kiss away your tears mummy' which made me cry more as that is what I should be saying to her not the other way around!!!