Thursday, September 30, 2010

I feel happy

Straight after my post yesterday I got up and cleaned out our pantry of all snacks and biscuits (it was not much anyway).

My big problem is that I think I feel hungry and have a low point snack thinking I am still within my daily points range but then at the end of the day I add up all my low point snacks and realise it adds up to too many points and I end up going over. I buy biscuits or bake them thinking they are for my little one and husband but in reality I eat probably 80% of them and lets face it I should not be feeding them to my child either on a regular basis.

what is something in your pantry that you know should not be there? Please join me on the blog hop below! It is fun

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Weigh in Wednesday, just shoot me!

I have only myself to blame (oh maybe the weather too - just kidding) Dismal effort of 0.1kgs lost this week! Yes only 100grams. I am super duper annoyed at myself as it was week 4 this week in my WW book and I had hoped to get to 5% by now. shit shit shit. I was looking at the WW messages boards last night and joined a 12 week challenge as THIS WEEK is 12 weeks until Christmas! yikes. shit yikes I just CANNOT handle being fat this christmas again.

ps sorry about the swearing....

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Rain go away

God on rainy days does anyone else just want to eat and eat and eat???

I have been trying really hard to identify reasons on why I overeat - comfort, boredom, loneliness,sadness?

However I have days I have discovered where I am quite content with my world but I just want to eat biscuits and drink tea or have a bit of chocolate because it tastes BLOODY NICE! Some days I want to go thru the maccas drive thru and buy a cheeky cheeseburger meal because the 0 point soup awaiting me at home in just not appealing! So what do I do in these situations???? Just wanting to eat something because it tastes nice not because I am bored or upset???
I plan and I plan to keep myself on track but what happens when you just simply want to eat something else? Obviously I dont because I realise I will feel shit after it and maccas is bad for you and makes you FAT! I tell myself this on a regular basis.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cycle away the blues....

After not having the best day on Friday and with this crap weather in QLD all week I was desperate to get out and do something as I have not been loving the at home workouts and there is no way I was doing them with hubbie in the house laughing at me no doubt so luckily for us it has been not raining both mornings on the weekend so we have got out for a cycle down to the river and back! yeay! I worked out that cycling for 60 minutes hard earns you 9.5 points!! I will not use them at the moment as I trying to get some big numbers for the weigh in this week but it is good to know I can earn that much as bonus points as I have some big events coming up in October and I do not want to derail myself and if I plan ahead and not go too crazy with the alco I should manage to still lose weight!
ps how hilarious is the above bike. of course it was a cyclist in Japan. The japanese are so kooky! I love it though.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I beat the mean blues...

Had bad day yesterday as I was feeling very sorry for myself. Think it may have been hormonal but I was feeling very angry at myself for getting myself this overweight when I have lead a seemingly charm filled life when so many others have not. I have a guilty secret...yes I am a fan of this show...Workout on foxtel. It is a reality show that follows a personal training studio which is owned and run by a lady called Jackie Warner. At first I thought this show was ridiculous and refused to watch it but after a few minutes I was hooked! I have heard she has another show called Thintervention.. crikey I could be in trouble

On Thursday nights show they had a retreat weekend away with some of their clients who are hugely overweight and they had some counselling sessions. Most of the people there have had such hard lives and it made me feel annoyed that I have so such reasons for being overweight if you know what I mean. I know it sounds silly but I feel that way. I have had a really rough few years in terms of losing several babies but alot of people go through that and dont become obese like me....mmmn. something to think about I guess.

On the upside I did not overeat and stuck to my points all day! I just kept telling myself that chocolate is not going to make me feel better just worse! I feel much better today though and I am proud of myself for not saying 'stuff it and eating a barrel of chocolate or biscuits !' Another step in the right direction - tick!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A new perspective

Recently I came across a lovely blog that I posted about here.

Her leader at weight watchers said the below

"As one of my leaders used to remind us, the time is going to go by anyway, so who cares how long it takes? Wouldn't you rather spend that time at least making steps in the right direction? Because where will you be in 4 years if you *don't* start making those changes? How much more of your life are you willing to lose? How much more of your precious life will you allow to slip by, continuing to be unhappy and unhealthy?"

This comment really has helped me in the last week as it has changed my perspective and whole attitude to losing weight as it really is so true, the time will pass regardless,spring will turn into summer, then into i really want to spend that time being miserable and fat???

Some days I cannot believe it is almost 4 years since my little peach was born and 4 years I have been carrying close to 20 kilos of extra weight. No bleedin' wonder I am so tired all the time! I only has a small loss this week but as the above states it is all about taking steps in the right direction and I certainly do not want to spend another 4 years not living life but merely existing and being invisible which is how I feel most days.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Weigh in Wednesday

Weight loss this week was 0.3. grrrrr. I know I should be happy with it at least being a loss and not a gain but I had NO alcohol over the weekend - not so much as a glass of wine, plus I exercised on the weekend which is unheard for me on both counts. oh well better than nothing.

Due to our love QLD weather this week I have been unable to go for walks but reading this blog on last weeks blog hop gave me some inspiration to do some at home exercise in the form of exercise classes on the TV. I did my first one yesterday which was a hand weights class and my arms are actually really sore today! I think I will do one tonight as hubbie is out but I think I might have to mute the sound and put some music on as the lovely chap who does the class does come up with some pretty unique phases to get you started like 'somebody give us some band aids as we gonna get cut'! YES I kid you not.

I have never done at home workouts before but I do remember when my brothers and I were little imitating mum doing her Jane Fonda videos until my dad 'accidently' tape over it with a footy game. man did he get into trouble....

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Rainy day inspiration

I posted yesterday about being inspired to fit into old clothes through my spring cleaning, which I feel was a little shallow, ha um not! looking good in nice clothes is very very important, but I would like to share what is the main inspiration for me to finally get my piggy issues in order and shed the kilos I am currently carrying.

As I have posted about before growing up and into my twenties I never had a problem with my weight as I basically ate whatever I liked and still stayed the same. I remember just before my first day of work after finishing uni my mum promised me that she would take me shopping for some 'key' work outfits. I remember being so excited of going into Country Road and trying on some work linen dresses that I thought would go really well with some pewter satin pumps (this was the early 90's after all!) and i tried on a size 8 dress which looked stupid as it was so baggy! Luckily for me, my mum was great sewer and took it in for me and I looked and felt great on my big first day.

Now I am not writing this to boast (to all the 3 people that read this!)but really just to hash it out in my head. I do really feel for people when I read about them being overweight even as a child and the battle has been a lifelong one, but what happens when people who have been previously slim most of their lives and eat whatever they wanted to becoming obese like I am now?? In a way our struggles are the same as we have eaten badly most of our lives and it is only catching up with some of us in recent years as opposed to childhood.

All of my family are overweight apart from one of my brothers who trains and exercises manically (due to a mid life crisis ha ha). My mum has diabetes and my dad late last year was diagnosed as pre diabetic. Both my grandmas were diabetic also. It scares the buggies out of me that I will get it as it truly is a horrible disease and you can die from it if you cant control your weight or what you eat. my mum struggles with it daily.

my mum and dad are away on a cruise for a month at the moment and before they went I spoke to dad about joining weight watchers and wanting to get my weight under control for good as I joined the day they left and I said I hoped that when he got back I would have lost 5% of my body weight and he said I am proud of you. so fingers crossed I make it!

So my inspiration is the above, health and to make my dad proud, obviously besides to be fit and healthy and live a long life for my little peach and husband, but that is a whole other post for another day!

So what is your inspiration??

Monday, September 20, 2010

Spring cleaning has sprung

I know I am a bit late this this spring cleaning lark seeing as it is the middle of September already but I thought better late than never, plus I wanted to kick start my weight loss at the beginning of September and concentrate of that. So now I feel it would be very cathartic to clean out our bulging cupboards. We live in an old Queenslander house in which every room has huge built in cupboards which are stuffed to the gills, largely with my clothes that no longer fit me. My motivation also was to see all of my lovely clothes and inspire me to fit back into them.

After having lived overseas for almost 10 years mainly in the UK, I also worked in New York and Amsterdam for a short time so I have some really really nice european clothes that I swear I will bust a gut (literally!) to fit back into.

Anyone else have some nice clothes that they are dying to fit back into??

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Loving this new blog

I am loving reading this new blog I came across from someone else's blog roll (sorry I dont remember which one) Ms Bitch Cakes. She has just gotten to her goal weight and I have not fully read all the previous posts in depth but it appears she has just done a cycle charity race in a tutu type skirt, full make up and a corset!!! She is a glamour girl and I think she is fab and very Dita Von Tesse looking. She is a member of WW in New York and I just love this bloggy business as a little old housewife in surburban Brisbane, Australia can be inspired by a glamour girl in NY getting to her goal weight using WW! Check out the rest of her posts but I particularly liked this one.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Is this bad???

Emily: Andrea, my God! You look so chic.
Andy Sachs: Oh, thanks. You look so thin.
Emily: Really? It's for Paris, I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.

Poor hubbie has been laid up in bed/toilet due to a bad bout of gastro. truly nasty stuff and has barely eaten anything since Wednesday and looks really skinny as a result. Is it really bad that I am disappointed that I have not caught it from him in a bid to shed kilos quickly?? hha ha I am joking (sort of!!)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I feel like this most days....

The reason I am overweight is because I am sad on the inside and most days I can't show that as I need to function in daily society so I now realise that I have used food to make myself feel better. Obviously I now realise and something I will have to repeat to myself on a daily basis is that it doesn't make me feel better and if anything it will make me feel and look way worse.

I am starting to feel much better due to weight loss this week and I have lost 2% of my body weight. Go me! Just think by christmas I will look and feel so much better.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Weigh in Wednesday

yeay yeay yeay! After my down day yesterday I am back up today as I lost 0.9kgs this week! No time to get complacent but if I manage that each week I will be estatic to say the least. I was even thinking of giving in a no weigh in pass this week as I did not think I would have lost anything. I love WW, even though some of the ladies in our weds meet are know-it-alls I do like going so will keep it up.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Damn you facebook!

why oh why when you are happily skipping along and it's always the small things that just ruin it???

As I have shared my recent crappy struggles with producing a 2nd child and I happy to vent this here and perhaps make me feel better.

Other ladies out there will know how I feel when I tell you when you miscarry babies sometimes it helps to share your struggles and heartbreak with others that are on a similar journey. I have a dear friend who was struggling to produce no#2 as well and I was thrilled when after 12 months she discovered she was pregnant, she recently had this baby and again I was thrilled for her, not so thrilled about when on the day I was meant to pop over to the hospital to visit her I started my 3 miscarriage so I texted her and said I could not make it and proceeded to cry for another week.

I still have not seen my friend as I have explained what has happened and said sorry I was just up to seeing any newborn babies at the moment and I hoped she understood which of course being the gem she is, she did and said we'd catch up when I was up to it. I have been feeling really good this week and was thinking of calling her and say hi and asking to drop by with a gift for the new baby BUT then I logged onto facebook and saw an album she has created with pics of the new baby and pics of the big sister giving the new baby kisses and hugs
(I particularly sob at these). I am so happy for her and feel like a right shithead for behaving this way towards her.

I just HATE feeling like this as it just set me off and blubbered for about an hour and then dropped on the couch and have been feeling pretty shitty since...the good news is that I have not hit the biscuit jar nor choc freddos that are in the house as I know I will just feel worse if I have them, plus I have weight watchers in the morning and I plan to drop the little peach off at kindy early and go for swim for 30 mins before the meeting. so on the upside I am breaking old habits and think I will swear off logging onto facebook for a while. damn you modern media....

I just feel so sad that someone who shared a similar struggle to me has since gotten pregnant and then has a baby to hold in her arms and yet I am still here not holding one and I fear that I never will again and my little peach with grow up an only child. I know that is not so bad but I come from a big family and I want her to have that when she grows up.

I feel like I am being left behind which is how I feel about being overweight too so I guess we all have the same struggle just with different wants......

Feeling inspired

I love this ad that Ali over at The scales say what? posted about a few weeks ago. I have been up at 6am yesterday and today walking for 30 mins! Slow and steady wins the race I say.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Exercise how I loathe thee?

I used to really like exercising when I was slimmer, I especially really liked doing spin classes when I lived in London at our works gym. I am reallllllly struggling to get back into any form of exercising at the moment and yesterday after setting off for a 30 minute walk, which I have been trying to incorporate this week, I actually turned around after 9 mins!!
I was pushing the little peach in a stroller I have borrowed from a friend as ours was packed away long ago. the walk was just so crap as the stroller wheels kept getting stuck on the pavement, it was quite hot and my tummy roll of fat was causing my shorts to push down, so I kept having to stop to pull them back up , plus I also realised that an old exercise bra I dug out of the drawer was waaaaay too small for me now and was digging into my back causing some fat rolls to spill out over the top and wobble as I walked!

Basically I was just not feeling great and if I am being completely honest I was embarrassed to be walking along the road with all the traffic and feeling like people would be driving by gawking at me or just making rude comments. I know people do it.

The other thing is that I was just so damn grumpy yesterday as I wanted to eat biscuits and chocolate like I usually do most afternoons with a cup of sugary tea. booo hooo. I know the first few weeks will be the hardest to break bad habits but damn it sucks...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I heart NY

I am thinking of you on this day of remberance. You are city I adored to visit for work many times. I shall always remember the work mates I lost that day and I will be praying for your families who no doubt still feel your loss each and every day.

Friday, September 10, 2010

How do you measure up?

I decided to look up what a healthy waistline measurement should be as I have been reading about how your waistline measurement is very important is staving off developing diabetes. This is a disease that is really predominant in my family especially in the women as 3 generations before me all developed it in later life - read- menopause. yikes

I forgot to take my measurements last week when I started at WW but I think 0.3 weight loss so far is really going to make a difference.ha but here goes.

Waist 107cm / 42"

Hips 110cm / 43"

Left thigh 70cm / 27.5"
Right thigh 67 / 26"

Left arm 36cm / 14"
Right arm 35 / 13.5"

The guidelines say that a womans waist measurement should be UNDER 80cm. Good grief I have some way to go!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Some days I feel like this

Obese not the hairy part! Plus look how sad the Orang utan is at having to eat the lunch that is in front of him?? I feel ya pain buddy some days I am the same......

Goals for this week
drink more water
no more energy drinks last weeks FAILED goal
2 pieces of fruit daily
no more than 4 drinks of alcohol

Last weeks goals
replace tea break biscuits with a piece of fruit - currently at least 3-4 a day
drink at least 6 glasses of water a day - currently it is embarrassingly only about 2 or 3!!
bread only once a day- currently some days it is up to 4, 2 toast for b'fast and 2 for lunch sandwich.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Weigh in Wednesday

well not as good as I expected but not as bad either considering my alcohol intake this past week and no exercise to speak of but weight was down 0.3 to 88.3kgs. God not so good for a first week effort but perhaps I will look at this as a slow burner effort as to be honest I have been a member of WW before and I lose big the first 2 weeks then it tapers off and I stop going. I dont think I have ever made it past 1 month of continous weigh ins so I will aim for that achievement and stick with it too and not get too disheartened by small losses. Anything is better than putting it on I guess.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Mummy's little helper

After a weekend filled with fireworks (literally Riverfire 2010 is Brisbane festival of fireworks) and Fathers day on Sunday. I love a good party as much as the next person but it was realllllly hard to stay away from the cheese and biscuit nibbles and watch my wine intake. I think my plan of action in future is that I will always elect to be the designated driver as that will cancel out any wine consumption for me.

I am no major boozer but I have in the past few years gotten into a very bad habit of drinking a bottle of wine over the weekend or even at times drinking almost a whole bottle by myself on a friday night whilst hubbie drinks red wine and we sit at the table after our dinner and chat. I really like this part of our week but I am going to have to cut out the drinking at home part for the time being - boo. At our local park there is a boot camp session held at 7am and I have been a few times but due to excessive wine consumption on the friday night with hubby I stopped setting my alarm and realised the other day that I have not been all year!!!
This saturday I am back!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

here it is my before shot......

This was taken last Christmas day by our little munchkin and my husbands iphone. He did not show me this as I only came across it downloaded onto his computer (I know why he didn't!) and I have cried buckets over this photo. It breaks my heart that this is what I look like to my little girl and how sad I look on Christmas day which is usually a day I adore!! I can count on one hand the number of photos I have of special occasions with her.....makes me so sad.

I was in two minds of putting this photo on here as I hope no one I know will ever read this but I feel I must in order to start moving on and sorting my weight issue out. ok I have chickened out and blurred out my face but still anyone I know will recognice me anyway, as I am the only stupid person I know that wears all black clothing including a black cardigan on Christmas Day in Queensland when it is almost 40 degrees!!!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

It's official dark chocolate is not good for you

Since joining weight watchers this week and downloading a points application for my iphone and I have been checking the labels of the usual things I buy like cereals, cheese and biscuits. I was surprised at a few of them lets just say.

Well once a week I shop at Aldi to get a few basics and most weeks I get one of their dark chocolate mousses. well I was not kidding myself in thinking that choc mousse was good for me but I did not think it was as bad as the label stated it was. 13 POINTS!!! one little measely cup of dark choc mousse is almost 3/4 of my daily allowance....blimey. I used to giggle as I put it in my trolley that I will get the dark choc one for the antioxidants.....yes really I did....sad..yeah I used to giggle as I bent over to put it in my trolley almost wincing in pain as my pants were cutting into my fat stomach...yeah I should have not.

Lets face it when you buy products that you know are not good for you, you say oh tomorrow I will be better and this is the last I am ever going to buy this choc mousse/mini toblerone/M&M's but of course I was back doing the same thing again the next day with something different.This is why I am glad I have joined WW as it does make you realise why you are fat in the first place with huge portion sizes and also how bad food really does account for why you eat over your daily recommended intake.

the lady at the registration desk at WW yesterday said to a lady in front of me who had returned after a few months break ' dont fret it has taken you months to come back as you will be glad you joined now by Christmas day wont you?' and it is true as these last few days I have been kicking myself that I did not join back in June and exercised and dieted during winter so now spring is here I would have been much skinnier, but I have to remove this negative thought and think of that lady's comment.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Yikey Crikey Weigh In wednesday!!

(ps this is my last cake picture for my blog - this is my big farewell to badness!!)

Had the big weigh in at WW today and sadly it was more than I thought. 88.6kgs is my official starting weight so instead of the 15kgs I thought I had to lose to get to my healthy body weight of 66kgs it is now 22kgs!!!!!! fffffffaaaaaarrrrrrrrr ouuuuuuutttttt!