Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Damn you facebook!


why oh why when you are happily skipping along and it's always the small things that just ruin it???

As I have shared my recent crappy struggles with producing a 2nd child and I happy to vent this here and perhaps make me feel better.

Other ladies out there will know how I feel when I tell you when you miscarry babies sometimes it helps to share your struggles and heartbreak with others that are on a similar journey. I have a dear friend who was struggling to produce no#2 as well and I was thrilled when after 12 months she discovered she was pregnant, she recently had this baby and again I was thrilled for her, not so thrilled about when on the day I was meant to pop over to the hospital to visit her I started my 3 miscarriage so I texted her and said I could not make it and proceeded to cry for another week.

I still have not seen my friend as I have explained what has happened and said sorry I was just up to seeing any newborn babies at the moment and I hoped she understood which of course being the gem she is, she did and said we'd catch up when I was up to it. I have been feeling really good this week and was thinking of calling her and say hi and asking to drop by with a gift for the new baby BUT then I logged onto facebook and saw an album she has created with pics of the new baby and pics of the big sister giving the new baby kisses and hugs
(I particularly sob at these). I am so happy for her and feel like a right shithead for behaving this way towards her.

I just HATE feeling like this as it just set me off and blubbered for about an hour and then dropped on the couch and have been feeling pretty shitty since...the good news is that I have not hit the biscuit jar nor choc freddos that are in the house as I know I will just feel worse if I have them, plus I have weight watchers in the morning and I plan to drop the little peach off at kindy early and go for swim for 30 mins before the meeting. so on the upside I am breaking old habits and think I will swear off logging onto facebook for a while. damn you modern media....

I just feel so sad that someone who shared a similar struggle to me has since gotten pregnant and then has a baby to hold in her arms and yet I am still here not holding one and I fear that I never will again and my little peach with grow up an only child. I know that is not so bad but I come from a big family and I want her to have that when she grows up.

I feel like I am being left behind which is how I feel about being overweight too so I guess we all have the same struggle just with different wants......


1 comment:

  1. Sigh. That one hurts. Newborns are difficult when you are ttc. Worse when you are experiencing that kind of loss. Hugs for what you have been through. And I am sure your friend understands. It sounds like she's been there.

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