well well well.... after reading a few blog posts late last night and this morning I was feeling a bit down in the dumps about my failure to conceive and carry child number 2. I realised that in late October 2 years ago hubbie and I decided to add to our family thinking we were being sensible and waiting for a good amount of time and more financially stable after having number 1 child.
Wrong. 2 years 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy later still no number 2 child and it made me feel reallllly shitty as especially in a few weeks will come the due date of what my ectopic pregnancy should have been. should have been. love this phrase....Not
You know what I did??? I put on my gym kit and running shoes and went to the gym! In the old days I would have said stuff house/work and sat on the couch eating biscuits watching re-runs of some crap reality show. I went to the gym and went through my program of cardio and weights and then at the end I got on the treadmill again and starting running and got to 2km and stopped as I thought I was going to die!! I hopped off the treadmill and burst into tears into my towel (no one was around and the gym is tiny!) then I quickly stretched and went to my car where I burst into tears again. hot angry tears. angry at so many things. things I cannot change. things I can and wished I had changed 2 years ago when I had the chance.
I know there are more important things in life and I am so so so lucky to already have one cute cherub of a child who is literally the sunshine of my and my husbands life. Who when I had some very dark days in march/april this year she was only reason for me to get out of bed every day, the only reason a smile was brought back to my face. I am so fortunate I know that and I do cherish every day.
The morale of this story is that it only takes one small step in a different direction to change your life and stop what you were doing previously when you come to bumps in the road, then and only then, will it (hopefully) change your life for the better.
Huge hugs to you. I recall the hot tears and pain of infertility and I also recall the decision to take those initial small steps. xx
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